Archive for October, 2008

I have lost the love

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

I have lost the love
In the bustling with activity crowd, but without place that my sight freezes, the old one lives a long life together, young billing and cooing, company in extremely lonely shade that I am elongated only with oneself by the street lamp, the one terrified and unable to carry on even for a single day gallops at all speed among the crowds.

With the tender years of the game unruly, I have ever injured fragile hearts of so many girls, bitter cry that the people loving I and me to love are all injured in my so-called individual character and responsible attitude letting the hair down. A deep one remember, have pieces of girl, in one my resolute and decisive saying and saying good-bye under love for month of beginning, the girl asks me the reason painfully, but I can not answer; I deep to remember girl that fall in love at first sight until telephone complain to me tearfully eve in wife for people soon: I still love you, but I hate that extremely sad sound of complaining tearfully of yours even more; I hold her child’s scene for me to see for mothers of people’s woman after still remembering many years, there is a word of my name in the child’s name, she tells me; After being old, I will tell our thing to him, I say you can take me and educate your son as the negative example which serves as a lesson, tell him how irresponsible man is I in young time. She smiles but in silence. At night, she gives me a flash: You are a good person. In short, four word, let I tears wet pillow towel, sleep one night.

Talk about young people and does not understand the love at all. Not that I think. We were only the love that simple needs were simple at that time, billed and cooed, amidst flowers and in the moonlight, a solemn pledge of love, thought that there was the whole world,that was so bright and pure and simple one-sided wish. Known their sour and astringent bitterness of centre and cruel helplessness that reveal by the love road which is paved with thistles and thorns! It is I that give up, or give up, give up because I love you perhaps because I feel negligible because of fearing responsibility perhaps. All if the cigarette is dissipated, each have homes, but I still pray in the heart quietly your pardon. For this reason, even this computer of mine still lets friends apply for and chat tools blindly, leave on it: Love people of me and people that I love just the same as before in I ”  The deep one loves you ”  ,You still good of bottom of heart. Many years ago, I injured you, lost you.

Self- to separate, I never pray for your pardon, however, you forgive me at the time of our coincidence connection when the identity is changed many years later, there is more or less memory to that time once passing by together to banter more or less, the ones that let me fell too ashamed to show one’s face were less than my animosity correctly in view of your body, I mean habits and acquired characteristics you go animosity so that year, I have what qualification go animosity those deceive I, utilize people of me ever? I learnt from then on tolerantly. Thanks, person that I once loved deeply and person of I of love, it was you that brought happiness to me in the past, now, it is understanding that you made me clear, treasure for now.

In 2008, I lose me again and is regarded as the last love by oneself. I thought I wanted to collapse, I thought I will be as decadent as before. The changes of affairs of human life, time brings great changes to the world, time of half a lifetime, half a lifetime accident, now, everything is so dull. Roll that I submit to already contract in palm of god of destiny, accept one’s fate unwilling to open eyes, think these love, only when unfolding the body once in a while, with the hoarse song behind being drunk of the friend of Third Five-Year Plan Period, sing, have one’s mind filled with, feel ashamed and regretful, sing sad helplessness to the limit, sing, reach eyes are blurred by tears. After wine wake up, very hollow, a sound of sighs!

I catch one tears and let it fall into sea, then I go around in salty astringent sea looking for lost tearing all day, carefulness and carefulness so looked for, but does not know the tear is in that corner, I chock water debarks, place soul for the large sea.

I have lost the love, look for earnestly, but already been out.

Have that lay before worrying about the sorrow of parting

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

Have that lay before worrying about the sorrow of parting
The friend is entered after autumn to leave this city, just a few days ago.

She spreads the flash and tells me that will leave the city of more than nearly 30 years of this her life, arrive to another strange city, let me help her to make the matters which pay attention to the house. I stare at flash, know, go back anything, answer a word conveniently: OK The ones that unloaded for one day are busy, see the flash carefully, one feels sad and rises of itself, another friend has walked from my side, I am busy with dialing the telephone and making an appointment to have a meal for her, very strange, know for many years, joke each other, but in the night, there is no laugh in the past again in not laughing always, having a chat about she, I, having our friendship, the air is a bit deep.

Next day, whether I ask that need to send off, she needn’t give to speak, it is more unwilling to leave that someone gives to me. Words this like this autumn has set in it general, have cool feeling, bottom of heart to touch me. I know she wants to carry some things and leave, I have made dash for her, after opening the door, she silent to sit in there, I have language, I feel and kinds of things of one that can’t speak form attack suddenly, I think that shouts before worrying about. Wonder who has broken the quiet air first, no one goes to mention that heaviness of departure.

I have never been at the railway station newly constructed, resume and have a look, so magnificent, the grand one stands on the large level land, it was lonely, lonely but I saw itI like platform of train, it can obliterate, shed by everything at the moment us in twinkling of an eye, do not give us thin taking leave of. A lot of persons on the square, wait to get on the bus the place which they should go, send the expression in one’s eyes that other people do not give up off. Too much, too much, I am a bit dizzy, so many contents are packed with my eyes in eyes, I am unable to understand.

Will get on the bus, I have no a word to say, the curling up of smog makes me fuzzy. Some things are soul that can occupy you in the twinkling of an eye, can touch your nerve in the twinkling of an eye, whom train start in a flash, I understand friend go from me far soon, I tell her to push the window open, but can not take out of the mouth, she leans out the head, I have thumbed up to her, she has held the fist, unwilling to put down for a long time. The car has raised speed, the wind has lifted my clothing angle, she disappears in my visual field, I leaving tears quietly, walking quietly at platform, who accompany me buy drunk in night when I am sad? Who listens attentively to when I need to pour out?

Go out of the platform towing the heavy step, the poor and messy mood so as to be calm to smoke to sit down. In this busy and real environment, how long have not all of us contacted the friend? Even one simple greeting wait, become luxurious, we give friend the word too many pretexts and excuses, perhaps there is one day like today, we find the friend leaves us, we remember, I had this friend originally! We are due to friends, we need the friend, a cup of black tea, several sentences of truth, it has been already enough.

Not far from station, there is my friend, I have called them, for a moment, they will come over, I say the friend has left, they say: Pack up your heart apt to be sentimental. I say if you have left one day, I can never see you off. The friends all smile, then make an appointment and have supper, leave each.

Sea wind very heavy, I should this from worry the sorrow of parting leave out, into wind, go get place that it should go.